The Trouble with Thinking

Excerpt from Edward Espe Brown's Tomato Blessings and Radish Teachings:
Then I sat down on the cushion opposite him, crossed my legs, and adjusted my posture. I didn't know what to expect, or what was expected of me, so I just sat there quietly facing him. The world turned. I don't think he had the slightest thought about my attainment or lack thereof. He seemed contained, quiet, and alert in repose. I began to relax. Finally after a few minutes, he inquired, "how's your meditation?"
"Not so good," I replied.
"What's not so good?" He asked.
"I can't stop thinking," I lamented.
"Is there some problem with taking?" he questioned, and right at that moment when I looked directly for the problem, I couldn't actually find it. I felt relieved and lightening, but I wasn't ready to admit I couldn't the problem. Besides, didn't he and the other teachers keep instructing us to follow the breath rather than think?
"When you sit zazen, you are not supposed to think," I explained.
"It's pretty normal to think," he sated, "don't you think?" His way of speaking was so innocent of attack: not contradicting, not belittling, not finding fault b
I had to admit that thinking was pretty normal, "but we're not supposed to think, are we?"
"The nature of mind is to think," Roshi explained. "The point of our practice is to not be caught by our thinking. If you continue to practice, your thinking will naturally change. Sometimes it will stop. Your thinking will take care of itself. "

The End of the World

So it seems about time I made a blog post. It’s been so long and honestly so much has happened this past year that I haven’t known where to start. 
So we’ll start with this whole ‘the world’s gonna end on the 21st of December’ and my slightly anxious feelings about that. I’m not saying I’m preparing for the end, but I must admit that for the longest time I haven’t been able to get a grip on making plans for the future. Perhaps that has more to do with my own lack of ambition. Maybe an impending apocalypse is just an excuse for never finishing anything. But i think that once the 21st has come and gone without the world turning inside out, I will be able to breath a little sigh of relief.


Last year, around the last time the world was supposed to end, I had a series of apocalyptic dreams that really made me think shit was about to go down soon. The dreams came after a year of bad news concerning my fathers health, what seemed to be the breaking down of my own body and the beginning of the end of my first serious romantic relationship. 


There were three different dreams all with unique scenarios: some parts were scary, but for the most part things were confusing and all I wanted was to get a handle on what was happening, much like what I wanted in my waking life. I searched for a meaning in them. My deepest fear was that the worst was yet to come and in a way it was.


In April, my boyfriend broke up with me. He told me that we didn’t have anything in common and that he wasn’t sure he wanted to spend his life with me. In actuality, he had fallen in love with some one else and didn’t love me enough to tell me the truth. That hurt a lot and it took me months to come to terms with that. ( Actually I still am.) 


Dream dictionaries will tell you that end-of-world dreams “depict the powerful and threatening inner and outer changes that accompany major life transitions and social changes.” To borrow the words of R.E.M., my dreams seemed to predict the end of my world as I knew it. And though my break up has been one of the worst emotional storms I’ve ever experienced, it also has been the catalyst for my greatest personal growth. For that I’m very thankful. I am not the same person I was then and without my broken heart that could not have happened. 


Considering the options of things that could have gone wrong, losing a relationship that was personally stifling was not the very worst that could have happened. My father’s cancer has been kept at bay (whats the pain of losing a boyfriend compared with that of losing a father) and my own health, both mental and physical, began to improve once I was diagnosed with a lazy thyroid gland. 


So perhaps the end of the world is not an altogether bad thing. It can mean a renewed consciousness and a change for the better. I will be glad when the sun comes up on Saturday morning and it will be just another day to continue seeing this world in another light. I’m making plans to start making plans.

Check it!

SO, yeah. It's been a long time since i last updated. Many boots have been purchased since then, trying to somehow replace those that were worn through, but never really achieving as great of a 'wear-ability.'  A little resole and all is well again.
Anyway, I feel as though i need to recap all that has happened since my last post and that is something I'm not really up for.  So what to say...

Just know that blogging and staying up to date is hard to do when:
1. you have been depressed and uninterested in almost everything for the last year and half.
2. you follow so many great bloggers who update about such great content that you start to feel like there's no point in you blogging.
3. life just keeps you from doing it.

Honestly, i'm been meaning to settle down and write my piece about how one gets to the point when body and mind begin to break down only as means to be rebuilt and rebuilt upon these newly adopted recognitions that aid in transitioning into a more meaningful 'adulthood.' (not sure that sentence made alot of sense but go with it for now.) For the longest time, i've stopped myself, not wanting to expose my very messy ego, but I don't want to anymore. My ego needs some air, so I will try and share it more often. Try and look forward to it.

Quickie!!!!

So yeah.
I am painfully aware of what a horrible blogger I am - am so much better at keeping up with reading "ma blogs" than posting on my own but here is a quick post:

I need some new boots because I'm wearing these out and i done want to completely destroy them...yet. So i'm shopping for another pair of cute Laredo lace-up boots.

Also, I'm knitting again after a long hiatus that I won't go into here just yet. Stay tuned.

<3

Summer In January

It seems that every year in late January or early February for the past 6 years that i've lived in Oakland there has been 3 days to a week of freaky warm weather.  Just a few weeks ago, it was in the low 40's.  Last week, it was mid 60's, so I decided to partake in winter's little reprieve.

Last Sunday, in the midst of the heat wave, I bought this number at Mercy Vintage on Piedmont Ave: an 80's wrap skort jumper. It was a somewhat uncharacteristically whimsy purchase on my part, but it was only $10.
I threw it on to run some errands and snapped these pics upon my return home.

Just to prove that it is indeed (a) skort/skorts - i give you the gratuitous booty shot.

Now, Winter has returned and I am bundled up in two sweaters next to my pathetic heater with a hot cup of tea watching Annie Lennox videos.  

I will leave you with my favorite.  (Thanks to Teenangster for posting it on her blog.) Until next time.

The days of our lives

So I've been racking my brains since last time trying to find a meaningful topic to post about here, but this has only prevented me from posting.
So here is a list of ideas that have been floating around my mind:

• How much in control are we when it comes to our lives, our futures, our relations to the cosmic and not so cosmic, etc? (i know, a big existential quandary.)
• (this probably brought on that first one) The meanings of astrology and how much or little I lay stake in it.

At the beginning of last week, there was a big hoopla about adding a long discarded astrological sign to the original twelve in order to take in to account the cosmic evolutions that have occurred since there invention almost 2,000 years ago.

For the most part, I don't care, especially since my sign wasn't/isn't effected (Pieces, in case you were wondering).  But it got me thinking about how I turn to horoscopes and the occasional fortune cookie when it feels as though my luck has run out. I find comfort in mercury's dives into retrograde and vague assurances that better times are on the horizon.  Also, my maternal grandmother, a devout Catholic, had an affinity for astrology and fortune telling and that makes me happy inside. :)

As another aside, 2011 is the year of the rabbit, my year, so I'm hoping that there's something good for me  in the stars this year.

• I was gonna lay out a plan on how I'm gonna stop being a dufuss when it comes to money, having and spending it. But i don't wanna.

But what i will share is the couple things that I liked about last week:

Yesterday,  the Bay Area was enveloped by a very dense fog that lasted until 11am. It was magical. This  was the view from my studio apartment at 9am.  It was eerie, but so beautiful to wake up to. The fog return in the evening.

There was also some fun had with Charo and Photo Booth that I was unaware of.

Well, there you have it. Off the work I must go. 

yay.

-Alice

A Brand New Start

A new post for the New Year.

And a new kitty pic

_______________________________

I can't remember if I've ever taken New Years seriously. I've partaken in my fair share of bubbly drinks, noise-makers and stolen kisses; i've also given into the New Year's grumps more than I'd like to admit. Either way, New Year's resolutions have never been my thing, but I feel the turning a new leaf.
Having said that, I realize that today is the ninth day of the new year and I'm a little late with my declarations of new beginnings, but you know what they say...

Anyways, I figure that this blog is as good a place as any to reveal the hopes and goals that I hold for this year. which can really be summed up with this one resolution:

1. Being more active.

It seems that all this past year I had been meaning to do so many things and for some reason or another I never really acted on any of the intentions. This i want to change.

So here is a list (yes, a list within a list) of things I hope to be more active with:

- Blogging >> I came to the realization a couple months ago that I am a REALLY lazy blogger. I loved my tumblr when i first started it, but now, I can't even be bothered with posting on it. I have a Pinterest account and I want to do more with that, but that seemed so silly considering that I hardly utilize my long-form blog.

So here's my idea:

One thoughtfully put-together post each week right here.

- I need to get off my ass more. >> Working in a coffee shop takes alot of physical stamina. You are on your feet for five hours or more, constantly trying (or at the very least looking like you're trying) to find shit to do so the bosses don't fire you.

But it's not exercise and I could use a but more of that in my life. Why? Because working in a coffee shop (or any retail setting really) is stressful, both physically and mentally and I'm a firm believer that regular exercise helps one to cope more with physical and emotion stress.

Not to mention that knitting, while very stress relieving for me, is a very stationary activity that is not doing my butt any favors.

Speaking of knitting...

- Getting more involved with FINE & dandy >> I must admit that my Etsy shop has not been very high on my list of priorities this past year. I sell an item every once in a while and it's great, but i'd like to throw more of myself into selling my knits.

This is a two sided goal: more regular posting on etsy and selling at a craft fair at the end of the year. I need to build a worthy inventory.

There you have it. My New Year's resolutions, well, more like goals, but you get the picture. I have a few others, but they're more personal goals like call my mother more often and get a savings account so I'll spare you the details.

Until next time...

>>> Shop Upate

Looky! I added a few more things to the shop.






-Alice

Shop Update

Yesterday, I found some extra time to add a couple of my jar cozies to my shop. Check 'em out!

-Alice

The Days of Another Indian Summer

Summer weather has finally seemed to find its way to the Bay Area. Sunshine and unexpected heat have been in the forecast for the last couple of weeks. Better late than never, i say!
I've put knitting on the back burners only because the heat makes knitting a little sticky and shifts at the coffee shop have drained most of my brain power and emotional will. I have half cocked plans to get more items into FINE+dandy, but haven't the time. Soon, I will make some.
Until that happens, here's some news from my life:
Jamie and I got a kitten a few weeks back.

Her name is Charo, but Jamie calls her Meemers (he calls all cats that) and she seems to answer to that more than Charo. She so fluffy and pretty and we love her soo much, even though Jamie is very allergic to her.

I also cut off all of my hair, well almost.

I haven't had my hair this short since second grade; I'm digging it a lot more this time around. As with all my haircuts for the past few years, I did this one myself and its not bad. I've learned that the best way to learn how to cut your own hair is to just do it and try not to care what the back of your head looks like.
My hair cut came just in time for the heatwave that hit the Bay Area last week. For the past couple of years, the warm summer weather has been compressed into a couple weeks in August and September. The Indian summer is nice, but i loved waking up today with fog clinging on to the Oakland/ Berkeley hills and the morning sun peaking out behind scattered drizzly clouds. Can't wait for some good knitting weather!
Tah tah for now!
-Alice and Charo

Cozy on Up!

I'm one of those people who HATES to throw anything away. Rubber bands? i'm gonna need those some day. one inch scraps of yarn? DUDE! That could come in handy!

But the one item i save the most from the trash has to be glass jars.

I love jars. I love using them for storage in the fridge or in the cupboard. I love using them for flower vases or keeping my parsley and cilantro fresh. And i love to use them for drinks.

At the coffee shop, I see alot of kids reusing glass jars for coffee and tea. And let me tell you, my hands have gotten used to handling alot of hot things, but a hot glass jar is a difficult thing to hold. But I have a solution.

Jar Cozies! Hand knitted by moi! (actually , my very first ever thought-out, worked-out, written-down design! These are pretty great; not only do they prevent you from burning your fing-ghee's, but they also keep hot drinks hotter for longer. :)

I like to use these with iced drinks too. The cozy soaks up the condensation on the outside of the glass. Sooooooo, no puddle when you're enjoying your refreshing iced beverage.

Right now I'm just making them for friends, but I'm trying to work on a marketing plan. More on that later.

Toodles, al

mmm...Handspun.

Look at all that handspun! All done by me, with MY hands and my top whorl spindle.

We'll start with the boring practice fiber, super wash wool. That'll be the purple and white in the photo above. Their not that great, but I'm learning.

Here is my latest and favorite work. Single-ply, half wool and half soy silk Karaoke in Calico from Louet. I really enjoyed spinning this stuff. It was a much needed departure from what I was spinning before.

Currently, I'm spinning up some cream-colored cotton. Gotta say, cotton is really difficult and I am not finding it as fun as the wool. But cotton is a whole other kind of fiber beast and it'll just take some getting used to. The other sad part about the cotton is that it will be harder to dye this stuff than the wool because i can't use my Kool aid.

That's right. I said Kool-Aid. Remember those blond girls from school who would come to class one day with cherry red hair? Well, that was because of the wonderful acidic properties of Koo -Aid powder.

The bright food coloring paired with the citric acid in Kool-Aid makes it the easiest method of dyeing yarn and fiber, as long as that yarn and fiber consists of animal protein (i.e. fiber from sheep, rabbits, camels, worms(silk), yak, even human. Cotton is a plant fiber, thus Kool-Aid not very effective.)

This week was fun with Kool-Aid and the white and purple handspun got a makeover.

The purple got a wash of grape/pink lemonade. It has a hint of burgundy running through it.

The white was blasted with Black Cherry and a hint of strawberry and the result was this bright tomato color. I have christened it as a "Heinz" colorway. I'm thinking some kind of Valentine's knit. We'll see.

Makin' Thangs

Meet Flor the owl.

She is the first product of my new found desire to "just make shit." And I am pretty damn proud of her. She is made of felt sheets, hand stitched together and stuffed with bits and bobbles that i had laying around the house. Her eyes are a little off, but that is alright because she is an owl with an attitude and she knows that you are up to no good.

Or she 's got one of those crazy eyes. Either way, we still love her.

In other news, I felt like getting sassy and i painted my nails. I got really fancy and put spots on the over coat. It won't last long since work is such a pain on my hands, but it's a fun look to have even for just a short while.

I like feeling fancy every once and while. Put on a pretty dress and getting dolled up for no particular reason other you're tired of feeling poor, homely and depressed.

That's the way i felt this past week. It all started with a trip to Fourth street in Berkeley. Jamie (that's my wonderful boyfriend) and I had the day off and we went to get breakfast at Betty's Oceanview Diner. I love this place. Best poached eggs EVER!!!!

After our lovely meal, I headed over to Anthropologie while Jamie did some of his own shopping at the hardware store down the way. Now, I know that don't have the money to shop at this store. I am poor. But I do like much of the style of Anthropologie AND if i were a skinny girl with a modest trust fund, I would work it!

But....that ain't the case! So what does this poor girl do in such a place? I steal ideas... I mean, I find inspiration for knitting projects.

Now, the thing about knitting is that once you become good at it, when you see knitted items in stores, you immediately think "I can make that!" And sometimes you do, most times you don't. But during this trip, I came across a cute little headband that I was sure I could make and i went home, I thought "I may not have the cash to spend at a store like that, but I got skill and talent and I'm gonna prove it!"

Here's the proof:

This is my cute little Anthropologie-inspired headband. Knitted with Spincycle yarns in colorway 'For the Birds' which I got at the last Renegade Craft Fair in San Fran.

I might write out a pattern for it. Might even put this one up in my Etsy, still thinking about it.

nowadays

Mmm... today is the first Friday I've had off in more than... a year? Well, longer than I can remember. This morning i over slept, not so awesome that I'm so groggy, but i still relish the slightly irresponsible aspect of it. Now, surfing the interwebz, drinking my small triple 3 pump of hazelnut americano (my drink of choice). I walked out of the house at 9:00 this morning to discover warm and humid air in the... air. I'm thinking that the first day of summer in the bay area with commence with today.
But that's the way it is here. Around late August and during September, the blackberries ripen in the hiking trials in the hills and everyone's home-grown tomatoes start becoming sweet and juicy. In fact, I harvested a large cup of blackberries from the four large plants behind our large compost receptacle at work and then made everyone blackberry and melon ice-ees. :)
After such a couple clouded over and dreary "summer" months, September looks promising.
And since i didn't start a new semester this past Wednesday like everyone else, I'll really be able to enjoy it.
This past week I've finished knitting another hat and started making my first cowl with a very funky yarn that I picked up on a whim, Old Glory Lumpy Yarn by Charlene. The colors are blending in such way that remind of Chagall which is pretty awesome. But soon I will start to expand my knitting ability by teaching myself new stitches and techniques. I'm tired of being so-so at this craft.
So this day of freedom will consist of coffee. knitting, sun and warmth, the radio, cleaning and some Law and Order Criminal Intent. Hooray for not going to work.